Sunday, October 18, 2015

Adoption Truths: Grief


We will all experience it at some point in our lives. It is the part of our experience here on earth, but seeing one so small experience grief breaks my heart.

It has been a while since I have shared about our journey with Eva. Tomorrow marks her five month anniversary as a part of our family (see my gotcha day blog post {{{HERE}}}). Over the last few months there has been transition, pain, joy and the mere busyness of life. From homeschooling to Pilates to bonding with Eva, I will be honest and say the last couple of month have been exhausting and overwhelming at times. But each day is better than the last with Eva.

So now I want to share with you what it has been like to walk with my sweet girl on this journey of grief in hope of providing encouragement where it is needed and hope to those about to walk a similar journey. 

Many days are a roller coaster of emotion for Eva as she traverses the stages of grief as well learning how to be a part of our family. She gets frustrated when we don't understand her and angry when we discipline her. There are days when she is happy all day and days when she is sad and angry, asking when she will see her China family. I have had to explain numerous times that we are her forever family, but that is hard for her to understand. And of course, a nap can work wonders on the difficult days. ;)

There are so many things for her to learn and and comprehend at the young age of four: 
  • what does obedience look like in our family 
  • how to fit in and play with her new siblings 
  • the realization that she is not going back to her foster family in China 
  • the fact that we love her and that she will never be taken away from us 
  • meeting new people all the time 
  • who are all these people interested in her
  • English 
This list could go on and on. 

Stop for a moment and think about what is would feel like to experience all this and then think about what it would feel like to one so young. How would you react in the same situation? 

But interspersed throughout her pain, sadness and sometimes defiance is joy. Those are the moments where we see the real Eva letting go and letting love in. And it is in those moments that I can hear God whisper to me, "patience, my child. I am ever patience with you, be patient with her, hold her, comfort her, discipline her and above all LOVE HER!"

"But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, 
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness." 

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. 
Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, 
but everyone to come to repentance.” 

As Eva's grasp of the English language grows, so does my ability to ease her fears and answer her questions. It is a beautiful thing to watch her open up her heart a little more each day to us. She wants to be a part of our family and has so much love to give but it is hard for her little heart to let go of the family that loved and cared for her for the first 4 years of her life. Please pray for her little heart and for patience for us. 


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