Friday, July 26, 2013

Difficult conversations . . . try combining infertility and adoption

As adoptive parents, we all know this day is coming.

That day where your child starts asking questions that you can't answer. The thought of it breaks your heart, and so you try to prepare yourself, but you can never really be prepared.

Somehow these conversations always happen when I am putting on my makeup in the morning. Captive audience, I guess! :)

Grace: "Mommy, when are you going to have a baby in your tummy?"

Me: "Well, baby, I don't know. Only God knows if that will ever happen."

Grace: "I was a baby in your tummy. (she said this directly and without question)

And there it is; the question I knew would come, heading straight for me like a freight train.

Me: "Sweetheart, you may not have grown in my tummy, but you grew in my heart.

Grace: "Well, whose tummy was I in, Mommy?"

Silence. Deep breaths.

"Will it be enough for now, Lord?"

"Peace, Child, be still and know that I am God."  

Me: "Sweetheart, we don't know, but you were always in my heart."

Grace: "Ok, Mommy!" (she hugged me and ran off her usual happy self)

For now, as an almost four year old, that is all she needs to hear, but I know a day is coming when she will not be satisfied with that statement of truth. That is OK and natural, but won't make it any less hard. I hate that I won't have more information for her. I hate that it will hurt her and could possibly rock her to the very core. But I must have faith because I know that God will be with her on this journey, guiding her, loving her and protecting her. My job is to teach her about Christ and His Sacrifice and how her worth and significance comes only from Him!

As I look at Anthony, who has told us that his first mommy (birth mother) was bad because she threw him in the trash, all I can do is pray to the One who heals all hurts, knowing that only He can give Anthony the strength and ability to forgive.

Naturally, as their Mother, it  breaks my heart to see my children suffer, just as it broke God's heart to watch His only Son die on the cross for our sin, taking our sin upon Himself. And yet, God allowed it, because it was the only way we could spend eternity forever with Him. Praise God for His amazing mercy and grace.

Thank you, Father, for your steadfast love. You are our rock and our salvation. Whom shall I fear?!



  1. Awe, what a precious sweetheart! Could you say, " "Your birth mom", to make it more personal? and just say that you don't know her name? I'm not trying to be rude, but I have two open adoptions and know all the names involved, so it's a different world for me!

    1. :) Oh, yes, birth mom is definitely the term we use for her, but I think what makes it hard is that at certain age, even that won't be enough. You just want more information. It would be like getting a beautiful package at Christmas, opening it up, and finding nothing inside. And then we will get into the issue of abandonment. Also, Anthony's belief that his birth mom "is bad" throws a little wrench into things. The truth is we don't know why their parents made the decisions that they made. They certainly aren't necessarily bad as Anthony has come to believe due to things he was told in China. There a multitude of reasons that mothers and fathers have to give up children in China. Anyway, so many things to think about.

  2. Wow, you did a great job! So many times with kids they ask the hardest questions when we are least expecting it and we have no idea how to answer them. Prayer, like you did is always what gets me through those! What a blessing Anthony and Grace have with you for a mommy!




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