Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Unexpected Conversations about Infertility

One morning last week bright and early as I was sitting in my bathroom putting on my makeup, it suddenly dawns on me that the characters on "Little Bill" on Nick Jr. are discussing how babies are born. A knot of fear forms in my stomach as I start praying, "please don't ask me about this. PLEASE don't ask me about this. I'm not ready to discuss all this at 7:30 AM. What will I say? What will I do?" Of course, God had different plans. 

Conversation #1
Grace: "Mommy, have you had a baby in your tummy?"
Me: "No, Baby. I haven't."
Grace: "Why, Mommy?"
Me: "Well, God chose to give you and Anthony to me instead!"
Grace: "How do babies come out?"
Mommy: "Mommies push them out."
Grace: "OK, Mommy!!"
And off she went.

Whew! That wasn't too bad. 

But it wasn't over.

Conversation #2
Anthony (who had been listening to the conversation I had with Grace): "But Mommy, why can't you have babies?"
Me (thinking - Oh boy, how am I suppose to explain infertility to an 8 year old boy who has only spoken English for 6 months): "Well, God wanted me to have you and Grace instead."
Anthony: "But why no babies, Mommy? God do this?" 
Me (uncomfortable silence and brief overwhelming sadness that I hadn't counted so early on a busy Friday): "God had you and Grace for me in China. That was His plan. Mommy's body is different so instead I have you!"
Anthony (with concern in his voice): "Are you sick?"
Me: "Oh no, Buddy, I'm fine, and I do have babies, you and Grace!"
Anthony: "OK, Mommy!"

Whew, Again! Thank you, God for helping me through that one because I know there are more to come.

The hardest part of this whole conversation was looking at my son and trying to explain my infertility  while that flood of emotions I have dealt with time and time again reared its ugly head.  

Praise God for His Plan and the guidance of the Holy Spirit!!


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